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Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Getting in our own way...

I realized something last weekend.  Or maybe I'd realized it before, but it really stuck this time.  I had to make a decision regarding my dad's care.  Literally, a life and death type decision.  He was coming up upon a crossroads in his care.  
* Originally published on 3/18/15

I was so torn about what direction to take--that is until I got out of my own way and let God work through me.  Anyway, this led me to today's point.  Sometimes, we are so worried about the outcome of decisions we need to make and discussions we need to have, that we get in our own way.  Instead of surrendering our decisions to our God--our Higher Power--we struggle.  From my own experience and that I've seen of others we struggle for a few reasons:
  • Codependence   
    • We want our decisions to be accepted by others.  We want our choices to be accepted by all.  As I have learned, no matter what choices you make, you will usually have someone critical of them.  Best to pray on it, listen to the wisdom of trusted voices and consider what advice you'd give someone else in your shoes, in other word's step outside yourself.
    • We want to be accepted by others.  It is easier to avoid a hard discussion/decision and pretend that all is well than to open up the door to conflict/disagreement. This is especially true when what hangs in the balance is significant (marriage/life & death decision).
  • Lack of faith/fear/need to control.
    • When our faith is low, we believe we cannot count on others, especially God.  This leads us to rely on ourselves.
      • Proverbs 3:5 - Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding
    • When we are so afraid of making the wrong choices/mistakes, we are paralyzed into not making a choice, which usually in and of itself a choice. A lack of choice pretty well means the choice is made for you.
    • When we are afraid of an outcome that is out of our comfort level, we will overcompensate and try to 'control' the discussion and/or everyone and everything in the decision loop.
I've learned in life there needs to be a happy balance--the balance between trying to 'control' life and letting life control you.  In other words, doing the necessary planning and then letting God be God and trusting.