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Tuesday, February 17, 2015

2D vs. 3D relationships


From my own personal experience and that of others, it occurred to me why a lot of relationships fail.  Putting it in geometrical terms, couples often relate in 2D terms rather than 3D terms.  In other words, the relationships are flat, when they need some added dimension.

--

2D - You know about the other person.  (mostly facts, no real dimension).  For example,
  • You may know about what the important dates are in their life.
  • You may know about what their favorite color is.
  • You may know about what type of foods they like to eat.
  • But, you don't really know them 
You know that he likes go karts, mini-golf, arcade games and has a childlike side.  So, you might for a birthday take him to Putt Putt Fun Center.  You pat yourself on the back for 'knowing him'.  What he really wanted was to do something grown up like go to sports bar, with darts, a pool table, karaoke and just a general grown-up ambiance.

You may know that she likes Hello Kitty and know that she likes purses.  So, instead of getting her a Coach purse, you get her a 'cute' Hello Kitty one, thinking she'd love it.  She like Hello Kitty in some things, but she wants a grown-up purse.  

In each case, you may know things about your significant other, but they don't really know them. 

--

3D - You know about them and you know them. (dimension). Examples of 3D are:
  • You know not only the important dates in their life, but you remember the unscripted moments.
  • You know not only what their favorite color is, but have the sense of what shade they like or why they like that color. 
  • You know the special place he/she likes to eat their favorite food or the the occasions he/she likes that dish. 
  • You really do know them.
He likes to be playful, but he wants to be the grown-up.  He wants to feel needed, to be your hero and you know that.
She is a little girl at heart in many ways and wants you to see that, but she wants also to know that you appreciate her femininity.  She wants you to notice her grown up sexy, sophisticated hair cut.

---

2D --- one says "I love U", the other says "I love you too"
3D --- one says "I love U", the other says "I love U 2"

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The real question is this: 

Are you only interested in knowing your partner enough that you can fake it while getting from him/her what 'you need' and hoping it's enough.

OR 

Do you want to do the real work of knowing him/her, what is truly important to him or her and what he/she means when they say something VS. what they actually say?

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I know I want to live in a world of relationships with dimension/depth/soul vs. a world of relationships that are surface.