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Sunday, April 24, 2016

The insane voice speaks again.

In a prior post The 'insane' little voice in our head and entertaining ourselves, I asserted that each of has a number of voices in our head.  One of them being the 'insane/funny' one.  I do think however we have the ability to destroy that one.  But, I digress.  Since then I have had time to ponder (or at least own up to) random thoughts, musings or stories.  Here's a few that I have come up with.  Take them with a grain of salt and note that being irreverent is not the same as trying to be disrespectful.

1)  I tend to be very reserve in my public worship.  I sing and say amen when appropriate and what not, but I don't tend to be otherwise expressive.   I noticed one time people when we were singing that some people raise there hands.  I secretly want someone on the worship team to lean into his microphone and say, to the man in the second pew in blue with his hands up, do you have a question?  

2) At this year's men's retreat, I asked the district superintendent how many churches he rules.  He actually kind of liked that comment.  

3) I wonder if it would be appropriate at a presentation at work or wherever when handing out paperwork around the table, to suddenly and without announcement to start tapping on their head saying duck, duck, duck, duck, goose and then run around the table?

4) I noticed one time I was driving through I think it was Columbia, MO or somewhere like that there were a few strip clubs, I also noticed nearby were churches.  I noticed this one other time in my life and it occurred to me that the battle between good and evil was playing out around the town.

5) So, for years I've had an investment with Fidelity and Fidelity Funds.  It occurred to me, I wonder if anyone had thought of "Infidelity Funds"?  There are enough vices and people who are proud of them to invest in vice related companies.

6) My wife wondered about the death of a celebrity's wife.  Were were at Comic Cons recently and she brought that up.  I asked her if she'd like me to go up to him and ask him: My wife thinks that you may have something to do with your wife's death.  Please tell me, that she's wrong."  I passed this by her and she vetoed the idea, shockingly enough.  :(

7) I wonder if I should walk up to a stranger, tap him or her on the shoulder and do the "Wehrenberg Theater" whisper and walk away before they have a chance to respond?   A St. Louis native around 1990s would get this. 

8) We we leaving a concert and someone was walking slowly and my wife looked at me and asked me if it would be wrong just to run him over.  Sadly, I told her I was thinking the same thing.

9)  Me and my daughter have this game called "Let's chase nature".  So, when we spot some unsuspecting one or more of God's creation minding their own business, we sneak up on it or them and yell, startling them and scaring them away.  Sometimes, I have stopped my car just to engage in this game.  Our victim list has included squirrels, birds, ducks, geese and probably one or two other wilds that I can't think of.   I just hope nature just doesn't get together one day and scheme revenge on me.  :(

10)  My dad gave me a check for $1000 at my reception when I got married to my daughter's mom.  Anyway, much to my disgust, my former stepmom who divorced him in 2006 got a $10,000 life insurance policy from the government after his death as opposed to it going to his family--which to me is screwed up.  It wasn't about the money, but it was about the system rewarding someone who took advantage of him.  Anyway, it occurred to me right before I got remarried that I should go up to her and saying hi <her name>.  As you know my dad died last year and you got his government life insurance policy.   Well, you know that's kind of screwed up and all, but I'm getting remarried and all and I know my dad would have wanted to give me a gift.  So, I think it would be a great gesture if on his behalf if you gave me a wedding gift with his blood money.  My wife of course, vetoed that idea out of hand.

Anyway, my head is a little clearer now.  Thanks for participating in 'insane voice' theater 2016.