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Saturday, May 21, 2016

The insane voice, installment 3: Deep thoughts by Rich Shepard


My favorite 'deep thoughts' of all time.

1.  When someone owns up to a mistake to me, I tell them that the mistake doesn't make them a bad person.   Instead, I note the fact that they are a bad person and being such makes them one.

2.  Stay out of trouble, but if you don't, don't get caught.

  • Or at least give me the video of it.   (Ben Welsh)
3.  Cats are self-propelled feline units propped up by four sticks.  Dogs are self-propelled canine units propped up by four sticks. Humans are self-propelled Homo-sapien units propped up by two large sticks and a butt of varying size.  :D

4.  When in an argument with a loved one or enemy, just accept ahead of time that you are a bad person.  Often just letting them know that you realize that you are a bad person and that you are okay with it destroys their momentum.   This works especially well with kids.

5.  You know the famous jingle, "What would you do for a Klondike Bar?".  That's too easy and boring a question.  The real question is what would be too over the top to do for a Klondike Bar? The following list is a sample list and far from all-inclusive list of things that would be way too over the top to do for a Klondike Bar.
  • Homicide
  • Robbing a bank.
  • Setting off fireworks in front of the police station.

6.  When the creepy voiced narrator from "Forensic Files" tried to tell his kids and grand-kids bedtime stories, did they get upset and have a problem sleeping?

7.  If God hadn't wanted us to chase away nature (birds, rabbits, squirrels, etc.) he would have given them wings to fly off and legs to run off with.

8.  There is a bring you daughter or son to work day, why isn't there a bring your pet to work day?

9. If denying a homosexual couple a gay marriage is considered discriminatory, would denying a straight couple a gay marriage be discriminatory also?   Should a homosexual couple be allowed the option of a straight marriage as well or do they only get to choose a gay marriage?

10.  No matter how angry you are at someone homicide is not the answer.  Besides, you'd be depriving yourself of the opportunity to keep on "get back at them".  :-)

11. Do people in black and white movies dream in black and white or color?

12. Does the lady who professed a deep, almost disturbing love for her Craftmatic Adjustable Bed, still love her bed or have they sought an annulment? 

13. What if our lives where just part of a someone's super detailed and complex dream?