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Saturday, March 4, 2017

The insane voice, installment 6: How rude (caution ahead).

I got the idea for this blog post upon seeing someone expressing on Facebook that they were watching a movie.  Anyway, I've seen (and heard about) people give their life story--even parts I'd rather not know.  So, it my insane voice told me to write a blog based on rude thoughts.

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1) As I mentioned, the status updates people post on Facebook make me half wonder if one day people will start posting on a regular basis things like: "Using the can", "finished using the can", "belching & passing gas", "making out now", etc.  As we all need to remember, just because it is happening in our lives at this moment, DOESN'T mean that the world needs to be made aware of it.


2) On a local commercial for a frozen custard hangout called Ted Drewes.  The now owner, Ted Drewes Jr., is famous for talking up the his store/creations within commercials.  Anyway, he used to end the commercials by saying, "It really is good guys".  It has been changed to "It really is good guys and gals".  So, it occurred to me in today's day and age, that sounds old fashion.  I wonder if one day he might say, "It really is good guys and gals and pre-op and post-op transgendered people and inner city folks & rednecks from the middle of nowhere and same sex oriented and homophobes...".  I will stop right there and you can add your own additions to it.  Suffice to say, in an attempt to include all, he could easily offend certain elements or groups of our society by pointing them out or not including them.  Anyway, he's probably best just leaving at "guys and gals", even if it sounds old-fashion for some.


3) If a Siamese cat singles out and attacks a Black cat or vice versa are they exhibiting unconstitutionally discriminatory or racist behavior?


4) Speaking of said Siamese cat, I remembered that my Saimese cat has a birthday that is coming up soon.  However, his birthday is the same date as the anniversary of my first marriage.  So, I thought sarcastically hmm, I wonder if I should get my ex a gift for that date.  Soon thereafter, an idea came about: Happy Unanniversary.  It's a tradition that should be a part of every divorce settlement--except ones due to domestic violence or such.   On the date that would have been your next anniversary after the divorce, each party should be required in the settlement to get the other party a gift.  On the anniversary of the divorce, each party is required to take back the gift.  A few stipulations however:

  • The amount of the gift each one gives can be negotiated in the settlement, but it has to be a legitimate gift with significant value, not say ramen noodles or a fruitcake.
  • The gift must be a gift the other party likes.  It cannot be a gift you like and look forward to getting back.  
  • The gifts cannot be one that could be used up before returning it or lose all value before returning it.  
  • Each party must submit in writing a extensive list of possible gifts that they want and there cannot be common gifts between the two parties.  Once again, the party that gets back the gift on the divorce date should not be rewarded with something he or she likes.
  • You cannot regift the same gift in a subsequent year.
  • An meditator will review the lists to make sure they follow all these rules. 
  • Breaking these rules could result in a significant fine or penalty.
You get divorced on say February 2nd.  Your anniversary would have been May 12th.  On May 12th, each party is required to meet with a common witness and trade a wrapped gift.  The gifts must be unwrapped in front of each other and a notary witness and sign for.   On the following February 2nd, you must meet and before a notary witness and return the gift and sign that you returned it.   February 2nd is Happy Unannivesary Day for you.  It is the date in which you get to feel the loss every year.  Originally, the idea was poking fun at an old anniversary and how they aren't celebrated, but after thinking about it and mentioning it to a few people, they thought it could actually be a good teaching moment.  The idea was illustrating to you that you destroyed, lost or gave away something that was once valuable to you (a marriage).  Every Unannivesary Date would be a reminder to you not to throw away relationships (particularly marriages).  Something that would make you think of importance of working on relationships especially if you hoped to get married again. It would also be a way of having to face the reality of divorce on a yearly basis.  If you were divorced multiple times, then it could be a very expensive and painful lesson.  Now, in an abusive relationship that could be cruel, so an exception would be made.  But, in a "we just drifted apart" or whatever relationship, that could be very instructive.  One final note on this: the inventor of this idea---me--would get a lifetime exemption from this process.  Hey, it was my idea.

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That last idea was a bit more involved than I thought, so I will leave it there.  I hope you enjoyed this installment of "The Insane Voice" and will come back for me.

Cheers,
Rich







Insane voice, installment 8